Horror Hometown
Anyone who is timid by nature may feel fear from the friction and unknowns that come with living in a big city, but I believe that the real threat is seclusion. Growing up, my hometown was the idyllic set for a horror movie: hazy forested streets led to corn fields and decrepit farmhouses. On the opposite side of town, you’ll find mansions on the hill, filled and financed with family secrets and fueds. Established in 1792, my hometown was built without streetlights to guide travelers, meant coyotes and deer were plentiful and any lost soul would have to make their way from the darkness to be seen. For three decades, I refused to watch horror movies as the atmosphere felt too close to home – that made it feel real. But when I was laid off from work, my life in NYC suddenly went silent and the time bomb of my bank account introduced a new sort of fear. I needed to counteract this new full body sensation of fear in survival mode – and I tried watching horror movies.
First, I started at home, during the day, where I could pause if I got spooked. Then, I watched horror films from the 70s through 90s - the vintage gore did not distract me from the engaging plotlines. I was no longer watching these in a defensive, cowardly way and could admire the craft of the stories hat require some visual turbulence to be compelling. I graduated to weekday matinees during the daytime – this is the first time in my adult life I could attend them. My horror movie behavioral analysis culminated when I went to go see a horror movie premiere without watching the trailer beforehand. No jumpscare competes with suddenly getting your life upended. No gore hurts more than heartbreak. I learned that my fear of horror movies stemmed from my strong sense of empathy. But I began to love the art of suspense, and felt kinship with the survivor of a slasher film that made it out of their small, secluded hometown. What’s scarier than being unemployed in NYC? At the very least, in a city of a billion strangers, when you scream – someone will hear you.